Birth Story

I'm 4 days postpartum. I also dropped off my kids this morning for their second day of school, and they both clung to me and cried ... so needless to say, I've been crying at the drop of a hat. But, I'm home by myself, so I'm going to write this birth story down before it starts to fade.

If details gross you out, don't read it. :)

On Saturday morning, August 16, I woke up feeling crampy, and I had some bloody show. Wahoo. I went by myself to drop off our clothes and things for a consignment sale, then met my mom at Panera for breakfast. Back at home and still feeling crampy, I thought it would be a good idea to take a nap because I had a feeling I'd be up late. Slept from 1:00 to 3:30.

I felt my first contraction right after dinner while I was still sitting at the table - around 5:30. While the kids played, I decided to get myself and things ready. Put toiletries in my bag, packed chargers, oils, etc. I also let the guys know that "things were happening" and that they should keep their phone close. Eric mowed the grass and a few minutes after he came in, I called out to the kids to come inside. Turns out they had been pouring dirt all over each other and themselves, so bath time was eventful.

After bedtime, I relaxed on the couch and enjoyed some ice cream. Started timing contractions and over the course of 4 hours, they went from 9 minutes to 4-5 minutes apart. None of them were that painful, and didn't last longer than a minute.

My mom came over to wait with us and see how things were going. Around 11, Eric started encouraging me to go to the hospital to get checked. I felt like it was way too early, but seeing as how Violet's birth was 5 hours, I decided to listen. :) Texted/called all the appropriate people, and we were on our way around 11:30 after my dad arrived to stay with the kids.

Called my midwife on the way to the hospital and told her what was going on, and that my husband was encouraging us to come in just to get checked. Her exact words: "Okay, well you sound really calm ..." Ha!

After checking in, we headed upstairs and I got the monitor on for a little bit. My nurse checked me and I was SIX CENTIMETERS dilated. Pure elation ensued. :) Everyone arrived (Eric, mom, the two dads, doula, and photographer/friend) after I was settled into my room, and we all just hung out while I labored. Seemed to me that things progressed slowly, but before I knew it, I was feeling pushy. I spent only a little bit of time in the water - just wasn't comfortable. Eric and my nurse were both fabulous, even when I peed on the floor in front of everyone.

My midwife came in about 4:30 and I let her break my water. I was in transition and kept saying, "I don't know. I just don't know," and, "I can't do it," and, "I just want him out." It was a little intense. I was terrified of tearing like I had with Duncan - 3rd degree. After some encouragement from my nurse, I got down to business and pushed ... and Gustave was born after a few long pushes at 5:02.

RELIEF. Sweet, sweet RELIEF.

I pushed him out on my hands and knees (just like I pushed Violet out), and my head was resting on 4 pillows. I just stayed there for a minute, with my eyes closed, listening to what was going on. I reached out and held one of the dad's hands. That was a super special moment. I don't know if anyone saw it, but I'll always remember it.

Finally flipped over and put the little guy on my chest. Pushed out the placenta, and my midwife sewed me up (just one long stitch - I had a 1st degree tear, apparently caused by the little guy's nose). I felt strange having Gustave on my chest without having met his parents yet, so I gladly passed the little guy off to bond with them while I was cleaned up, rested a little, and got up to go to the bathroom. Gustave was finally weighed and measured around 6:30, and we were moved to our recovery rooms.

Sunday was a bit of a blur. Eric and I slept on and off, and we ate. After lunch he went home to see the kids, and I was alone for the afternoon. He came back with my mom that evening, with sushi and coke, and then I slept alone that night. I woke up every 3 hours to pump colostrum for Gustave, had vitals taken twice, peed once, and some lady came in to take a vial of blood.

I spent the majority of Monday waiting to be discharged. Eric and the kids came to visit around 4, and I was finally released around 5.

Sigh.

So days 1 and 2 I felt fabulous. Physically, things are going the way they are supposed to ... I'm not pumping for Gustave anymore, so I'm working on drying up my milk. It sucks. Can't lie. Bleeding is slowing down. Pooping is back to normal (come on, all those that have had kids know how difficult that first poop is), belly is shrinking, and I'm walking almost normally.

Mentally, I am struggling just a little bit ... weepy, a little anxious. Just normal postpartum hormones, but they are still no fun, and the fact that my baby girl just started school (and screams when I leave) is not helping.

With regards to the surrogacy, the experience has been amazing. I'm sad that it's all coming to an end, but that doesn't mean that I want to do it again. Ask me again in six months. I still have a lot of feelings to process. I do not in any way feel like I "gave up my baby" or anything like that, and feel just fine about the fact that I am not taking care of Gustave. I actually feel quite relieved about that. Seeing the looks on the dads' faces after their son was born is something I'll never forget, and I feel proud to have been such a big part of creating a new family.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far. :)